images of a physical reality

Aerosmith, is undoubtedly a modern artist. In a different era, he would probably be one of the famous poets that would have put Shakespeare to shame. His words are backed by years and years of vast and probably personal experience. I never realise the meaning of his words until I’ve experienced it myself and the song plays a totally different heartstring that baffles the mind. The song is not something quite dramatic, it’s basically his collaboration with Santana ‘Just Feel Better’. Initially, it was just a really catchy and meaningful song. Today, it drove me to tears in my car. Damn my habit of buying CDs whenever I’m depressed.

I guess it’s not so bad really. Unlike before, I’m being depressed for a good reason and I’m trying my best to be positive about everything at the same time. It’s like how I always say, mentally and rationally, a person may understand and accept a judgment or action. But, it doesn’t mean that he/she feels the same way in the same direction. It’s just how we deal with these emotions that make us different as individuals. Well, one of the differences anyway.

I realised that in my situation, there’s no other way around it. It’s either me who bears the burden of negative emotions or her. And naturally, since I was given the opportunity to choose, naturally, I choose to bear the burden. I’ve had people asking me to cave into my emotions and do the usual male thing of self-mutilation just to feel better. But resist I have decided and resist I shall continue to do. At times, the feeling is quite unbearable like there’s an evil lemming trying to eat his way out of my body from my heart. Sometimes, I walk around aimlessly trying to grasp reality and it requires much effort to grasp when I feel like I’m walking in a fog. Even today, I decided to take a walk in Midvalley alone just to get myself back together. Work had to take a backseat for a moment. I walked about in a daze trying to seek a semblence of reality. At the end of the day, I’ll end up at Tower Records listening to some jazz tunes and maybe even some new albums which is where Santana’s album came about. I even took a short visit to Cash Converters hoping to find some good deals that I can purchase just to give myself a cheap thrill of about 10 seconds. Unfortunately, they didn’t have anything I want and the SLOW and pathetically bad service did nothing to bolster my mood.

Perception has changed in a sense that at times, I feel like my spirit is just watching and controlling my body like how a puppet master dangles and brings life to his puppets via a few simple strings. Naturally, being puppet-like, I’ve become more ’stoned’ than I am usually used to. I’ve lost all my inspiration to take any photographs although I know now more than ever I have reason to photograph. Reality becomes a sudden daze but funnily enough, I’m not torturing myself but rather trying to delicately carry myself forward one step at a time. I guess I can’t afford to make any mistakes. Neither can I afford the slight luxury to go nuts.

But, to those who have read and sent their well wishes, thanks for your concern. I might be too stoned at times to response in kind but it is very much appreciated deep down. As always, I’ll learn to cope with the issues placed before me and what can’t kill me can only make me stronger. After all I’ve been through and the things I’ve heard throughout my life, in actual fact, what she told me wasn’t really too much of a shock. It’s just that with her, everything is magnified tenfold. Hence my dazed existence at the moment. Worry not as I always have hope and I choose to believe. For without hope, what would life be anyway?

As music takes on new meanings, the songs close to me is currently Santana’s ‘Just Feel Better’ featuirng Steven Tyler (naturally) as well as Nickelbacks ‘Far Away’. That’s an amazing track, if to listen just for a moment. Thank you and now I shall go into deep slumber.

Here we go again. My blog has become such a depressing story that at times, I’m thinking of renaming it to ‘images of a sad nobody’. But, that would be too negative. Contrary to my positive (considered positive I suppose) opening, this has probably got to be one of THE MOST AMAZINGLY depressing day of my life. For the first time, I was driven to tears in public and there was nothing I could do about it. And why? For a very simple reason is because I love and I care for someone so much that it takes every ounce of energy within my body to even remain standing in a calm manner.

It hurts to hear that someone I care for so much is being mistreated in a terrible way. It hurts that it happened and I knew nothing about it. It hurts that I can’t do anything about it. It hurts that I’m not able to make a difference. It hurts and honestly, till today, I never knew what it was like to feel pain for another. I practically have to bite myself to keep my sanity. My dear, you know how I feel about you. If you’re even reading this… well words that should be said has already been said. Let’s make things happen.

Yes, I’m in love. And love, like most things in life, can be complicated and simple at the same time. And I bet, any so-called ‘macho’ guy would probably be thinking that I’m a wuss for being so helplessly in love and to announce it to the world online like this. They probably would think that I’m weak for being affected so badly just because of a woman. But you know what? I don’t care. Love is probably the one thing that gives us a reason to move forward in life. No matter how much a person wants to feel indifferent, they love. It is the single most irrational feeling in this world that doesn’t need a reason to surface. And I’m glad I have the courage to admit it.

But with love comes a great deal of extra emotions as well. This night, I felt love, despair, anger, desperation, confusion, depression and helplessness magnified by a hundred-fold in the span of 10 minutes. The severity of the news was like throwing 10 tonnes of beef on top of that skinny guy in the weight gain ad. Out of the entire mass of emotions, I realised that the only thing I wanted was for her to be happy and to be beside her to make her happy. Dear God please, let me be there. I can’t say that I can make things better for her or make a change for her. But, at the very least, let me be there for her even if there wasn’t anyone else to be there for her anymore. I’m but a mere mortal and I wish that I was infused with some magical talent or even powers to make everything right. Some things I just can’t have.

I realised that to do something for someone that I care about the most, I would do almost anything to make her happy. And seriously, for a guy in my state of mind and emotion, I should be dead drunk by now and smoking ten sticks of ciggies and maybe even some weed at the same time. Every guy resorts to hurting themselves whenever faced with anger or depression. At times, we want to just lash out at just anybody to vent out our frustrations but society deems that a crime and thus, self-mutilation is the only option. It’s either that or jail. It must have been the genes from our caveman days where we were grabbing clubs and just clobbering each other just for kicks. Those were simple times.

Alcohol is the most common self-mutilation method. There’s nothing like getting stone drunk and drowning your sorrows in your own blubber. Seriously, we might feel absolutely stupid doing so but it feels so damn good when you’re there. Another option is to whine, moan and bitch about the issue. If that turns stale, we’ll start whining, moaning and bitching about anything under the sun to anyone who’s still there to listen to us babble. Driving recklessly is another, nothing like cutting traffic in a dangerous manner and pissing off other people. It just feels so damn good. The thrill that your life is clinging on to a friggin steering wheel and some bits and pieces of metal also helps to soothe the soul. All these I’ve done but my personal favourite is smoking. After quitting smoking, picking up a ciggie is like absolute self-torture. But that’s what I usually end up doing in worst case scenarios. What about crying you ask? Oh no, that would be the ‘unmanly’ thing to do… most would deem anyway.

The fact that many women don’t realise is that these methods help to calm down the inner beast in a male. Men are in essence, irrational and stupid beings and only irrational and stupid actions can help to calm the irrational and stupid homosapien. To us men, this is the healing process. But instead of the usual options that a man takes, I instead cried, although mainly in the inside. I chose to not abuse myself and I chose to not give myself the pleasure of the healing process of self-mutilation. Why, you may ask? Simple. Because I promised her that I would. I realise that it doesn’t make it any easier for her to overcome the obstacles faced before her that my self-mutilation would only make the process slower and that very much more difficult. And, I promised her that I would get a good nights sleep and I’ll do everything in my power to ensure that I do so.

Many may read and go blur while trying to comprehend what I have just said. Yes, in spite of my feelings, I’m just going to go along and be ‘fine’. And that’s called mourning some may ask? Trust me, for a guy, it’s harder to not do stupid things for someone. In fact, it’s the first time that I made so much effort to NOT do a stupid thing. The temptation of a ciggie is so freakishly strong for me now and I just want to drown my emotions in the sinful act of smoking. But I shall resist the satisfaction. For, I made a promise and no matter what, I want things to be easier for her. In that manner, she can actually focus on feeling happy that I’m there for her rather than her feeling bad that she’s making me do stupid things. And if she starts feeling bad, she’ll distant herself from me. And I know for a fact that if that happened, I would probably literally die.

At this point, take a breather and re-read everything that I’ve tried to elaborate. Sometimes things may seem completely complicated but at the same time, the reasoning is very simple. In a nutshell, it means that I would do anything to help her even if it means defying my own inner instincts. It’s just that simple but mcuh more complicated to carry out. Relationships become more complicated as we get older as we tend to take more variables into consideration when we opt to love. No longer is the feeling enough, we need to take into consideration lifestyle, distance, interest, characteristics, family, etc etc etc. The list goes on. Hopefully, by shouldering some burden, I can help simplify the process because really, anything else is just a hindrance to love.

One can never know what the future lies for us. Opportunities (love included) comes every now and then and in some cases, rarer than most. It’s either we grab the opportunity when it arrives and cherish it or consider too long and it might go away. True, there might be other opportunities. People always say that there are so many fishes in the sea. But there comes a point where you realise that the only fish you want is that fish and no other. And we’re not talking about species of fish but a very specific fish with that particular beauty and imperfections that seem perfect to you and no other fish. And to get something that specific in an ocean as wide as the world, it’s like looking for a strand of hair in ten haystacks. If you meet him/her, don’t hesitate and never give up hope. But strangely enough, I honestly do believe that the person we probably love the most is more often than not, standing right there in front of us. It’s just that, we tend to not notice or we weren’t actually ’seeing’ and using our hearts to feel.

Have you told your loved one that you love him/her?

PS. My love, if you’re reading this (if ever), there are many songs that expresses a person’s heart. Right now, I’m moved by Joe’s ‘I Wanna Know’. Let’s make this work, together.

PS2. For those who think that this post is too damn emotional for your own reading comfort, I don’t apologise.

Strange that how one feels all alone even though they aren’t. There might be a hundred people all around you but it doesn’t make a difference. I realised yesterday after the enormity of my efforts that I’m walking a long and difficult path in the next few years. Definitely a few years well spent for sure. But, I’ll be walking it well and utterly alone. Won’t be easy to find someone who would walk the path I plan to walk with me and that ain’t exactly the best feeling you can have. Many don’t realise how lucky they are. I guess it’s because I’m transiting completely that I’m leaving my past life behind me for good. I’m neither an adult nor am I a teenager any longer. What am I? Confused soul doesn’t quite cute it but it’s more or less close.

I’m playing around with the idea of leaving this country again. There never really is a right time to leave but I guess there’s no time like the present. But, all my current efforts would be blown to dust if I just walk away like that. I guess some sacrifices have to be made, no matter how much I want my life to be different. Making some sacrifices now may change my life later, I may never know. Or, walk another path now and see how it turns out. I’m going slightly crazy.

Today, I’m going out. But my hear weighs heavy meeting someone whom I don’t entirely want to meet. I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’ve been stupid all this while and I don’t want to ever walk down that path again. I never realise that anyone can be selfish in a kind way and I’ve been duped for many years thinking differently. Maybe it was something that I want to believe, maybe I’ve been deceiving myself all this while. But no more, not today and hopefully not ever again. If I have to walk down that path and feel the way I used to feel again, I might just kill someone in the process. I walk alone with a heavy heart, especially today. And alone I walk, by choice and none less in hopes that things may turn out differently for me. God, give me the strength to walk this dark path and never to be duped again. To steel my heart from the pain that is about to appear before me.

I’m listening to ‘You Don’t Know Me’ by Ray Charles and Buble’s version as well.

So far, I’ve been keeping with my New Year’s resolution. First and foremost is the exercise routine. I’ve been working out for about an hour every day and boy do I hate that gut I’m carrying around. If I wore tights, a dolled-up chimpanzee would have more sex appeal. But then again, almost everyone (except for the finer sex) looks silly in tights anyway. To think that a year ago, I was doing a 100 sit-ups, 40 lifts and 40 bench presses and now, I’m screaming at 10-20 of any repetition. Being out of shape is an understatement. Thus, I’ve been keeping at it and working through the pain barrier most of the time. Hopefully I’ll get to see some decent results by the end of the month. Or at least, get some consistency. But it would never really show, that’s the problem with my stinking metabolic rate. I eat up energy faster than a fat man at a pie eating contest. Oh well, as they say, no pain, no gain.

I’m having a little bit of difficulty trying to get piano lessons. Not that they don’t exist but my funds are severly limited. I’m gonna need a digital for some freelance jobs soon and I can’t even afford that. I need a big windfall or some extra work to come in soon. Anyone wants some headshots done? It’s a long shot anyway. I can’t do events due to the lack of a camera body, flash and lens. Heck, that effectively means I have nothing at the current time. I hate loaning equipment but I guess I have to keep on doing that till I can afford my own equipment. Maybe I can consider learning it on my own for the time being. THAT is going to be very hard for that sorry excuse I call a brain residing in my empty skull. But, at least I’m doing something about it and that’s the important thing. Anyone want to give me some beginner lessons?

After some self-assessments, I realised one major thing. I’m not much of a writer although I am one as a profession. My one true passion calls out to me everyday and I’m a photographer at heart although my abilities have not reached a level which I consider as excellent yet. Knowing me, before I achieve a certain level, I can’t consider myself as one even though I may be able to produce satisfactory work for clients. I need to get better. I also realised that I hardly ever post any pictures lately. I guess it’s due to my laziness really. I really should be uploading some but I keep procrastinating really. Maybe I should go out and shoot more and at the same time, do some series and upload them. What the point of having an image gallery if I don’t use it? Shall take time to do the bus stop thing this weekend…maybe…

New Year’s Eve, a night to remember. I went to sleep. Pretty much sums it up for me. It’s pretty strange to me how my life seems to be so different than what it used to be 2 years ago. Let me sum it up for you again: I’m becoming boring. I feel so bored with life that codfish swimming in a pond is beginning to get interesting for me. And I’m not sure what that entirely means either. It feels like where the donkey stares at the dangling carrot, sighs and says, “What’s the point?” with eyes of bleak despair and boredom. Maybe if I was a highly strung up in-Duh-vidual that I wouldn’t be this bothered. Damn that Dilbert. I need help.

The highlight of New Year’s Eve for me was buying that 200mm prime lens off from David. And that’s because it adds a whole new dimension in the way I shoot. Imagine being all excited over a piece of metal with some shardes of glass jammed into it and you get a pretty good idea how I’m like. I gotta start a new hobby. And, get some fun while I’m at it.

Thus, the New Year has brought about some resolutions that I am determined to follow. First and foremost, being as out of shape as I am, I’m going to start working out regularly again. I highly doubt that I’ll look like the son of Zeus anytime soon (More like a sprangly giraffe maybe) but at the very least I’ll have some stamina which may prove useful to me in the future *ahem* but I’m getting ahead of myself. The whole problem is that I’m absolutely lazy to the bone and I need to willfully force myself to get into that routine. Gone were the days where I could do a 100 sit-ups a day with ease. Now, getting there seems like I’m running a marathon with elephants tied to my legs for sheer amusement. Thin as I may be, flab is starting to peek out in an unsightly manner.

Another which may be weird in some sense to others is that I’m going to learn to play the piano. Probably not what many would deem as something that I was likely to do yet many know me for my phases of unpredictability. Probably I have made mention of it in past postings but I’m hopefully going to start no later by February this year. I sure hope that prices haven’t escalated somewhat, I’m on a pretty tight budget. Also, I need to convince them that I’m only there to learn and not take tests. I wonder if that could be arranged…

Of course, my long terms plans have to be implemented as well. I believe that I’m going to be into a rough one two years but it will all pay off, I do believe sincerely. But, given my habit of indulging in work as I do so, I shall remember to take some time for myself and have some fun. I used to be a fun and outgoing person but nowadays I believe I’ve punctured the tires somewhat. Also, I need to get out and actually meet some new people. A date or two might be desireable as well, it’s been awhile that I’m not very sure what to do in dates anymore. Rusty is an understatement.

This post shall prove as evidence and a reminder of what I plan to do. This has probably been the longest blog I’ve ever maintained thus far and I’m not entirely sure of the readership but for those of you who read this, be my witness. If I fail to do what I’ve planned out for myself, feel free to give me a huge whack on my head at the end of this year. Please. That way, I’ll actually feel scared and get off my sorry ass butt and do something about it.

I’ve never known a silent Christmas like this one. Losing most of my vocal capability is not fun. Not like I can’t speak, it just hurts too bloody much just to say a few words. Swallowing takes a lot of painful effort. Not to mention the mental strain resisting the fantastic Christmas turkey placed before me at the dinner table tonight. Wow, I’ve never felt more deprived.

Gladly, my presents this year seemed to please most and I got the most wonderful present from Stephanie in the form of a photography book. Most beautiful thing I’ve ever looked through, always wanted one as a source of inspiration for my personal work. Thank you so greatly, that’s also like the only present I received thus far but undoubtedly one of my favourites over the years. It has taken a place beside my bed for easy access whenever I want to have a look at it. I heard that she liked her present too which made it a Christmas worthwhile remembering. My parents loved their presents too and even dropped me a thank you note which has NEVER happened in my lifetime before. I guess I’m going out of 2005 on a positive note although I can’t even squek to save my life.

Being bedridden most of the week, it got me thinking more than ever. But I was thinking about Christmas and how much this day actually meant to me. Being a non-Christian, it would seem strange to many that I actually celebrate it in the first place. My family doesn’t celebrate at all although we make it a point to have dinner together on that day. But yet, over the last 10 years or so, I have not failed to purchase at least a token gift for my parents during Christmas. The usual standard every year is a huge rebuffal by them saying that I’m wasting too much money that isn’t mine. But still, I do it every single year knowing that they would say something of the like.

I guess deep down, I love the idea of Christmas. It is the one celebration every year that people are being nice just because they want to be nice. Even if one is feeling crummy, it’s only because one feels that they can’t join in the festivities. It’s not like Chinese New Year where everyone indulges in the typical Chinese lust for money although giving out money is a big part of it. Or Hari Raya where the Malays celebrate their month of fasting by having great and delicious food and money giving. Not to say that I don’t enjoy these festivities (oh I do, trust me), it’s just that the meaning and emotion behind it is different. Christmas is a time of giving and usually, to people who matter to us, we take a lot of time buying presents that means something to those people or at least something they can use. No money involved. Just the thoughtfulness of a gift. And by no means is this an easy task to achieve every year.

Life can be daunting at times and looking for a time to relax is sometimes even harder. However, I wish that the spirit of Christmas never dies. Forever.

Jazz is probably one of the new gifts of life that I have just discovered. Ask me to enjoy jazz 3 years ago and you’ll definitely get a much difference response that you would get from me now. There’s something about the way how the music blends together with the lyrics that creates the type of mood that you only get watching movies. Car rides become surreal. Dinner becomes romantic. Walks become enchanting. Sometimes I feel like I’m been drawn into a life totally not quite what I’m leading or at times, travelling back into the past again into a land not quite where I am right now.

In recent days when my emotions are more or less in turmoil, jazz helps to ease the soul much more than I could ever imagine. God must have really liked me buying original because the first original CD I bought throughout the entire 2005 is this one CD ‘Jazz In The City’ which turned out to be one of my all-time favourite CD ever so far. I’ve never gotten so much satisfaction from a CD before. The beauty of jazz is that it never gets boring no matter how many times you listen to it. It’s not about the lyrics but how the piano is played, how the vocals are presented and how the emotions wraps us up in the music. Nothing quite like it.

My love for jazz didn’t start overnight. Everything came with the willingness to try something new. Go, pick up some titles at random, ignore the names and just listen to the music. Currently being absorbed by the sounds of Tony Bennet and K.D. Lang crooning ‘Dream A Little Dream Of Me’. What about you?

Weee, I am officially sick today. Woke up lethargic but assuming nothing was wrong, I continued with my horrendous lifestyle by consuming vast quantities of junk that basically would kill a sick man. I’m happy to say that I am very much alive and kicking but seriously, it sucks being as sick as this. I had a temperature of 38.7 celcius the last I checked. I’m qualified to be hospitalized at the moment. I guess all I can do is grin my teeth and bear with it. I may not enjoy it but I do have to be careful as my doctor said I had a strong risk of getting a nasal infection… AGAIN. Dear God, that was like the most difficult 6 weeks of my life the last time I got it and hopefully, I do not get it again. Please, pretty please with sugar on top and everything of the like. Good news is I get the day off tomorrow but honestly, I rather work given this point in time.

I now have to work from home because tomorrow is the closing date of my magazine. Thankfully, being hardworking over the last week, I finished almost everything I need to go and all I have to do now is to finish up another page or two. Shouldn’t be a problem thankfully, they’re not mentally intensive of the like. The screwy part is that I want to see a particular individual quite badly. A big part that caused my illness is because I’m thinking too much of that individual and I’m doing everything in my power not to. The overwork and stress involved thus leads to a lack of self-sustainment that I’m now in my wonderful predicement. Naturally, I don’t blame her, it’s just my damn mental state of mind causing me to do these things to myself. I’m not well.

That aside, I just wanted to make a comment regarding the wedding that I attended today. Well, it’s more than a comment but here goes. I pity her. I know it sounds incredibly insensitive to say that but all you had to do was take one good look at the groom to understand what I mean. Or, I’m just more finely tuned to body language compared to others, I don’t know which. My cousin is an incredibly attractive and kind person while the guy gets married in the most nonchalant manner that I have ever seen. There isn’t a single ounce of excitement emanating from the groom. I mean, seriously, it’s your friggin’ wedding day for crying out loud. He looks like he’s at a business deal and the words, “Let’s get this over and done with” seems to be stamped on his forehead. Dude, I mean seriously, if you don’t want to get married then don’t. He looked so forced that I felt like punching him then and there. My cousin can definitely do better than this dork. She’s at least an 9 (looks and personality mixed in) while he’s like a 6? Maybe it’s not my place to judge someone but I don’t think I’ve seen anyone get married in that kind of way in all my life of attending weddings. And you can see the poor girl fawning all over him during the process. Makes my blood boil, it definitely looks like a golddigger if you ask me. All I can hope for the poor girl that this isn’t the case. I can tell about a guy and he’s the first ‘wrong’ husband (in a manner of speaking) that I have ever seen. Sigh… ah well I suppose not everyone gets married out of love anymore. Well for some at any rate. Or a one-sided marriage. That definitely wraps up my day.

Maybe I should start a new photo project depicting true love. That would be something different or perhaps overdone but heck, I need something to bring up my expectations regarding this feeling called love. And I really don’t enjoy the fact that it’s painful most of the time even though it’s self-induced. Well, love was never easy anyway or what amounts to love anyway.

As I walk towards the extension to eternity,
Realization brings forth vast uncertainty,
To live a life as unfulfilled,
Like an empty glass beside the window sill.

The determination to try,
The determination to succeed,
Has been surpassed by complacency,
And the normalization of society.

My thoughts are filled with the thoughts of bread and butter,
Yet my heart flounders with the thoughts of vice like a sinner,
When the situation is where the heart yearns for another,
One very much different from any other.

Slowly but gradually the hunt wavers,
As such a unique angel would hardly be walking this mediocre earth,
But instead above us mere mortals she hovers,
Probably not to taint the purity given to her since birth.

Thus, the life of complacency is chosen,
Although it’s a life that’s second rate at best,
Slowly it eats at the soul till it’s broken,
That sometimes I wonder if this was actually a test.

Suddenly my resolve is broken,
For the simple reason that I met you,
At the moment when my heart was left unguarded and open,
Where you held my heart beholden.

Unwittingly I fell,
So deep like an unending well,
And worst, such an angel was unreachable,
For mere mortals that work in a stable.

But I shall perservere,
I shall sustain,
I would go on even if I feel pain,
Until I reach that breaking point.

George - First & Last of 2005

I always wish that life would have given me stronger resolve and show me the right paths to follow in life. One honestly can’t predict the future and it takes a great person to have great foresight and vision to predict the flow of time. As much as I can whine and moan about how things aren’t going great in life, I can only hope for the better as time moves forward with or without me moving along with it. I can stay stagnant and time will still keep on moving irregardless for I am but a speck in the vast universe that we mere mortals live in.

I crave for many things. The one thing I honestly crave for is to be utterly selfish sometimes. The easiest way to enjoy life is to be a total emotionless bastard and indulge in all your desires in any form or manner that you feel like the most. Irregardless of the emotions of people around you. Most people think that it’s a ‘guy’ trait to be insensitive and selfish but that’s not even remotely true. However, it has become the standard norm that some males just use it as an excuse to indulge in those selfish desires. And the best part, women let them. Strange but utterly true in more cases than one.

I desire to succumb to my inner desires. And the best part, I’m even given the right to do so without any worries or fears at times. It’s so very strange as many would probably die to be in my shoes but unlike the norm, I chose otherwise. I’m going crazy doing things differently than other people. It would have been so easy to not care and to not give a flying humdinger about anyone’s feelings and just plain enjoy. Unfortunately, that goes against every grain and fibre of my being that to do it shows the lack of self-control I have within me. There are some things where you can choose not to control but there is a time and place for everything. I know exactly why I’m deprived. And I have no one else to blame by myself. After all, it was my choice.

Which brings me to something somewhat related and that is choices. Many feel that it is not within their mental or physical state to achieve or do something that they don’t have a choice to do anything at certain periods of time. People tell me that they can’t do something and they don’t have a choice. In my mind, they already made a choice. They chose to believe that they can’t do it without even making a very conscious and strong effort to choose otherwise and go along with it. And it’s very simple, because telling yourself that you can’t do it is so very easy for one simple reason. When you say you can’t do it, you don’t have to make any effort to achieve anything. You only burn some energy from whining about it. Probably the lips will be strong enough to lift crains pretty soon. What I believe is that if you feel that you can’t do something, it’s better to not say it. Why say it? So you can’t do something. You don’t have to announce it to the world over and over again. Whining only achieves one thing: absolutely nothing. Of course, everyone whines once in awhile to relieve some inner tension and the like. But some people absolutely indulge in whining as if that whining alone can solve the problem and suddenly a great ray of light shines from above and every desire you have in this world will be fulfilled. Unfortunately, if that happened even once at all to anyone, I would be whining right this very moment instead of writing this blog. I am unable to tell a person what to do or even give a logical suggestion if the listener does not even take into consideration the words that I spout on the basis that they can’t do it or they don’t believe that they are capable of it. The phrases ‘You never try, you never know’ and ‘If you fail, try try again’ might seem cheesy and corny but that’s all one really needs to remember when they do something they’re not confident in. Even Spiderman had to jump smack into a wall a few times before learning how to deal with his powers. But instead of feeling discouraged every time he fell splat on the wall, he kept on going at it until he achieved something out of it. Imagine if he just sat there and never jumped off that roof after firing his web, there wouldn’t be a movie anymore. They might as well write ‘The End’ right there and then. But if you let the story develop, something interesting might happen at the end of they day. Might not be exactly what one wants but it doesn’t mean the end result would be any less desirable.

I know it may sound that like I am whining about whiners. But the truth is, I’m worried. I’ve got friends around me that I’m worried about. All I can do is give some friendly suggestions but I can tell that my words sometimes holds importance to them like how much an otter cares about whether flies enjoyed all that flying that they did. I do not claim that I know all the answers but I definitely do know that what they’re doing is so much more of a self-destructive act than anything else. What many could perceive as confidence and opportunistic is actually a bomb waiting to explode. Things aren’t always as simple as they seem. There is always at least one unknown factor working against you no matter what you are doing in life. One does not always has all the bases covered or everything thought out. The only way we can deal with things in life sometimes is to anticipate anything and everything that can go wrong and assess whether or not we are capable of handling the situation in the event that the worst case scenario happens. If yes, by all means, go ahead and lead your life to the fullest. But if not… well, I don’t think I need to elaborate more. But sometimes some things can’t be said direct to the person’s face. It’s not a nice feeling to hear one of your closest friends telling to your face that you ain’t gonna achieve what you want doing what you’re doing. I got that. It hurt and I was insulted at the same time. But I’m not going to do the same back. Would there be a point?