images of a physical reality

Sometimes I wonder if I actually act my age. I whine, moan and bitch like an 18 year old and yet at other times, I act like I’m 30. Somehow, I don’t think I am very right in the head. Hopefully though, I come off as me, myself and I. Yes, you can sing Beyonce now.

I reflect on the people I hang out with lately and realise that much of the people I meet are usually much older than I am. It’s great because these people have a wealth of knowledge to impart and I for one is never adverse to new knowledge. I am where I am today because I absorbed as much external knowledge as I possibly could and I realise I have so much more to develop and achieve. Hopefully, one day I’ll be one of the wise ones partaking useful wisdom to those who may (or may not) need it. I hope then I’m not talking a bunch of shyt but I actually know what I’m talking about as well.

What struck me was that everyone more or less experiences many of the same emotions and problems that I do regardless of age. The difference is how they actually take the problem or they’ve already passed that stage in life and they’re at a very different place at the moment. But it also shows that in essence, we humans are all the same regardless of our age. Age is only a deterring factor if you let it be. Some people wonder why I’m sitting at a table with a bunch of late twenties and even many retirees. Or, how I’m able to. I’m hanging out with some people my dad’s age or even at times older and I can speak to them in ways that I can’t speak to my dad. Their positions in my life is very different naturally but it does strike me as odd sometimes that I’m having a decent normal conversation like how I do with my friends with someone my dad’s age. However, I’m happy that I am able to do so and these people accept me as an individual regardless of my age. That in itself is something that not many people get to experience in their lives and I’m glad I had the chance.

I do wonder how it’s like to ‘act our age’. I never really know. I’m a kid one day and an adult the next. I’m talking about business ideas and plans to people while carrying a Game Boy Micro in my waist bag. I’m writing industry news and events one minute and talking about that latest game the next. I can talk all about practicality of purchases and be totally irrational the next minute. I’ve grown up beyond what is expected of my age yet at the same time I’m the most immature 23 year old you can find as well. I guess I do practice what I preach where everything has its proper time and place.

My current state sees me trying to do too many things at one time. I’m only one person but I try to do like three to four things at the same time which tends to become messy somewhat. Besides my full-time job, I’m selling cameras online (to get by, not really profitable), developing on a business idea, gathering contacts for the business and freelance photography (when I’m able) all the while trying to find more times to spend with my family and friends. The idea of a relationship is definitely strongly in my mind but the thought also frightens me at the same time. I’m not adverse to the idea but I guess I’m becoming a little bit paranoid at being burned again. But I’m surprised at how I’ve dealt with situations of late. Sure, I’ve probably lost it a couple of times and I’ve gotten pissed to an incredible peak but somehow I’ve managed to maintain my sanity and gain control of myself in a rather short period of time. I strongly believe that it’s due to my lack of time that I choose to cherish every minute of life instead of being sad and depressed about it. Although my posts may not show it as much, but then again I post more frequently when I’m in that state. I guess when it comes to relationships, I’ll just let nature take its path. After all, I don’t know how to accelerate such a thing, I can only be me. If it happens, it happens. Making strong efforts haven’t really paid off as much as my laidback efforts anyway so I guess doing less produces more results for me. It’s a very confusing concept for me to grasp but what the heck, I’m throwing reason out the window.

I’v never considered myself much of a writer. In fact, writing was never one of my stronger points since the day I met me but somehow, writing blogs and writing in my magazine has unlocked this part of me that I never knew existed. Ever since the day I decided to venture into photography, that creative part of me that was lying dormant chose to appear in full force. At times I even find it difficult to balance these two sides within me. But I’m glad it surfaced nonetheless. I may not be a good writer (I think I have a looong way to go) but it would make me feel all giddy if someone thought I was. Strange, I never needed anyone to recognize me for any creative talents before. When I don’t express photographically, I write. All the while balancing the more realistic and practical side of me. I have found myself.

On a lighter note, I’ve just watched the latest episode of American Idol before leaving the office today. My favourites are the bald rocker dude (who’s married to that older woman with a kid and has that great recording voice), the Taylor who’squite a Hick (Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder prodigy), the Pickler from Texas (yes, the crybaby), the raspy French place (who sings totally different than how she speaks), the other 16 year old girl (who reminds me of a young Mariah Carey with that curly hair of hers) and the one who kisses all three judges on the lips (man, she’s kinda cute). I’m betting than one of these few will be the next American Idol. Let’s see if I’m right in a few months time. Why am i saying this? I don’t know, I just felt like it. Support to the ones with talent.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 24th, 2006 at 11:02 am and is filed under Weblogs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.