images of a physical reality

For those of you who want to see my newer pictures, head over to georgewongtzewen.deviantart.com. I’ve just uploaded some of my newer stuff there and I find it’s gallery system better than Friendster’s quite frankly. From now on, any photography related images and journals would be placed there instead.

The eventless and stressful month has not done much to ease the burden I feel from within. Things have become more meaningless and tiring that I just want to go somewhere else for good. I need to look for some good distractions or at best, an environmental change. I mean, a drastic change. The only positives is that my career plans seem to be working and I’ve so far managed to maintain consistency in my exercise area. That just leaves my piano resolution undone which I will partake only next month as I’m still waiting to see if I get that offer I am looking for.

I think my problem is that I just care too friggin’ much. Wouldn’t it be just easier to be an unfeeling jerk and do whatever I felt was best for myself. I can keep on complaining about my nature and it wouldn’t do a damn thing for myself. At the end of the day, like it or not, I’ll still keep on doing the things I do and eventually the biggest loser would be me. Nan ren pu huai, nu ren pu ai eh? Apparently, nice guys do finish last no matter how much I try to fight that stereotype. After all, I haven’t won anything now have I?

I guess it’s just the season. Or, just the situation that I’m faced with. Or sentimental bullshit that I listen to sometimes. I’m getting old. Transitional periods are always difficult, as what you can see with Arsenal at the moment. A guy can’t even catch a break man. You would think that at least my favourite team would be at least doing as well as they did last season but I guess they had to go down with me. Who knows, a miracle turnaround could occur but right now, we haven’t got a prayer. It’s hard to look at a half-full glass all the time and my online rants a proof that I’m only optimistic in real life and in public but currently going through a negative state. Where the heck did all that confidence of mine gone to? Have I really been that affected by all the prior proceedings that I am unable to clamber up all on my own? Have I really become this lame complaining fuck that I can’t even make something for myself? Have all my self-belief gone out the window just because I had a string of bad luck and probably heartache to go along with it?

Someone commented that I was facing a serious disease called heart affliction. Apparently I am. Rather, a person devoid of love at the moment would function better and achieve more. Maybe that’s a route I could follow although it seems rather unnatural at the moment. A life of seriousness is BORING. I think it’s all about striking a right balance which is something I’m not very attuned to at the moment. Or I’m just plain lazy and I’m blaming everything other than myself. Nonetheless, for now, I shall remain hopeful, or so I want myself to believe anyway. Being naive sometimes is fun.

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 18th, 2006 at 11:45 pm and is filed under Weblogs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.