Another New Year, Yet Again
Happy Chinese New Year to all those friends of mine celebrating this festive season. I sure hope that you all enjoyed it MUCH more than I have. I won’t deny that I considered my New Year fairly average. Still, what’s Malaysia without the typical annoying pedophilic chinese songs, insensitive ‘ang pow’ hungry droves of kids and irritating cheek-pinching relatives. Can’t say I’m enjoying it very much. But hey, it ain’t all that bad… sometimes.
I’m all fine and dandy that we Malaysians get in the mood every year to celebrate this one festive season. Red is the color of the day and anything simple and subdued like white and black is frowned upon. Thank God I keep a few handy red shirts around just for this reason. I’ve got nothing against red but having to wear them because I have to just annoys me really. It’s hard finding pants that match when I just like wearing jeans. Naturally, I give up after my first try.
One thing that bugs me is that we seem to be losing the actual meaning of this festive occasion. I always thought that Chinese New Year was a season where relatives get together to foster stronger ties with one another. Instead, as I get older, I see it for what it really is. ‘Ang pows’ are basically bribes to entice people to visit one another and visiting relatives have become more of a chore than anything else. If it wasn’t for the customary red packets and the constant indulgence of the various delicacies that mysteriously manifest during the new year, I can’t see why anyone would happily want to go visit their relatives. Take the massive jam that people have to encounter. My cousin-in-law (is there even such a term?) took 5 hours to reach his parents house at would normally would have taken 1 measly hour the very most in a normal day. It’s nuts. I can practically imagine the hungry looks on those driver’s faces anticipating the number of red packets that they can stuff into their pockets and food that they can stuff into their faces. It sickens me really.
Instead, for me, I chose to do otherwise and honestly try to relish in the whole part of togetherness of this occasion. The money was enticing but I kept on mustering my energy to focus on family. Boy did it take a lot of beers to drown out the feeling. This is what happens to us. Conditioning I believe some call it. We’ve been conditioned since the day we could walk that during Chinese New Year, red packets were our divine right to obtain and no one is supposed to deny us that right. Ever. To deny myself was to go against every fibre of my being. I wanted to look away from them and treat them like they were nothing. I persisted and strangely enough, I succeeded. For the first time in many years, I did not care how many packets did I receive nor did I count the money immediately after. I just chucked it all in my little safe thingamajig and went on about spending time with the family. It was a different feeling and for once, I was actually around to be with them instead of doing something else. Even when my friends came about for a few beers, with did that in the confines of my home and actually talking instead of being stone drunk for once. It’s either that or my constitution towards beer has increased significantly over the last few days.
To be honest, the last few days haven’t been too great for me emotionally. I’m coping well to be sure but there’s always a feeling that I have something unfinished which unfortunately for me, nothing much I can do about. It really takes two hands to clap and I’m never one to be afraid of confrontation and facing the truth. The truth hurts many say but to be lied to or ignored hurts so much more. It wouldn’t have been so bad for me if not for being reminded of her and her presence everywhere I look and everyone I speak to. It’s nuts. Can’t a man get a moment of peace? I realised that to avoid further annoyance to my feeble brain, I’ve been sleeping 12 hour stretches throughout the holidays. Sad to say, I’ve gotta work tomorrow but I can sense a whole lot of procrastinating to happen over the next two days. If all goes well for me, at least one part of my life would be fantastic in the coming months. In terms of love, I guess that I can let nature take it’s course. After all, amazing things happen when you least expect it and quite frankly I expect nothing anymore. To receive something would be a huge bonus in my life today.
