images of a physical reality

Weeee, I’ve crossed one of the most emotional states that I’ve ever been in. Life, is very very interesting. Some people consider it a weakness writing what I wrote but that’s their perspective. I’m never ashamed of what I am. Thank you to all those who care, I appreciate your presence each and every day although I might not show it very much. It’s because of people like you that life holds that much more meaning each and every day. As we get older, this becomes more and more precious because it’s so hard to hold on with each passing day. Thank you… so very much.

What can I say at this point? To consider myself over her? Not quite as I’m human. I’ve just accepted the fact that it really holds no point. Why do men try so hard only to have our hearts ripped out by that particular woman that we need not even try to love? I feel like a character in that old Mortal Kombat game where I’m standing there begging to have my guts spilled and my head ripped off in the most inhumane manner. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you see it), I’ve had my heart ripped out more than once that probably I’m becoming slightly immune to this feeling. Never thought I reach a day like that but what can I do? I never get to be with someone I fall in love with anyway. Or, even if I can be with her, it’ll just be so hard to be together that we just have to walk our separate paths. Life, sucks this way. Well, nobody said love was easy.

I wonder if it really is true that no man should ever give a 100%. Wait, let’s not be bias, I’m talking about women as well. It’s like, giving a 100% is a crime and that you always gotta save at least 20% for yourself. Give a 100% and lose the game instantly. Wowee, I thought the whole point of relationships was to give a 100% but apparently, although everyone says they want that, it’s not actually how to play ‘the game’. Let me tell you something, I have no bleeding idea how to play this game. I’ve never wanted to play it nor would I ever take this ‘game’ seriously. But I guess, if I’m ever gonna get any dates, I’m gonna at least seem like I’m playing this stupid ‘game’. I guess I’ll just stick to being friends until I meet someone ‘real’ anyhow.

Thank God for the holidays, at least it gives me some time to myself. Again, I suppose I’m going to go take photographs again. Well, at least some things give me some joy nowadays. In spite of all my rambling, it’s time to move on, yet again. Jeez, I keep hearing about women who want men interested in long term relationships but I can’t seem to hang on to one properly. Maybe I need to walk another road. Now, I’m fully focused on my career and getting many things started off instead of sitting on my butt and moaning. Doesn’t solve anything for me and doesn’t make me any happier. But things seem to be looking up work wise and hopefully I do get what I want. All I can do is hope for the best and expect the worst.

To all my friends out there, a very Happy Chinese New Year to you people. I do hope you don’t get too annoyed by the constant insane Chinese New Year songs which will be overplayed over and over again. I know I am and it barely started. Oh, and have you listened to that Santana with Steven Tyler song yet? Man, that’s an amazing song…

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 25th, 2006 at 9:20 am and is filed under Weblogs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.