images of a physical reality

Things have been going on pretty well of late. Well, considering all the chain of events that have been happening, I’m still surprisingly optimistic about everything. And quite frankly, I moan here more often than I speak about optimistic things.

Work is definitely great. I’ve never worked in a more relaxed environment before. Sometimes I think its too relaxed but I prefer too relaxed than too stressed. The best part is that I get to learn a lot more regarding my passion that I ever expected within a months time. Maybe its more of an internal thing but the growth is slowly but steadily picking up. I may earn nuts compared to what I probably may get elsewhere but nothing provides the knowledge to succeed in the field I want better than where I am currently.

I recently did something that I can safely say I am rather proud of. And it might have backfired somewhat but at least I have been honest with myself and done something that I wanted to in a long long time. Maybe proud isn’t the right word to use but then again, I’m not very clever with words anyway.

Kids-Klick together with RMCC is going to be held this Saturday. It’s a big big event for us and it will introduce the project to people elsewhere including all the major medias and hopefully support for this project will continue to grow. I am definitely glad that I am one of the founding members and the current committee in this project. Hopefully in future, our efforts will pay off and unfortunate children all around will have a more optimistic outlook towards life. I may not be the best there is but this project proves that one need not be the best to make a difference in a child’s life. All one had to have was a desire to make a change and have the courage to face one’s own self when our own doubts and fears (whoever minimal) stops us from making an effort for change. If you can surpass your ownself, you can do anything.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Note: I have FINALLY gotten off my butt and started scanning my Japan trip film into digital files (Thanks kkog!). I shall be posting some up tomorrow. I realise that most of my pictures were snapshots but there were some pretty good ones and hopefully it will show you how life in Japan differs with life in Malaysia.

Life goes in circular or sometimes even erratic directions that one does not even realise that they’ve taken a turn to somewhere they’ve never been before. Experiences drive us to certain actions which sometimes may or may not make sense. What was once a certainty in my dictionary has been suddenly replaced by a totally different meaning which currently I am still trying to understand. Being overly cautious might have its perks but when one chooses to not take risks, they might also let a great and life changing opportunity slip from their paths.

To know thyself is to remind who art thy and what thee could or cannot bring towards thy. An everlasting gaze that lasts all but a moment in Mother Nature’s time but everlasting nonetheless the moment where electricity envelops the entire core of one’s being. But try as one may do, achievement of a passion may sometimes be overruled by earthly responsibilities that the mere mortal man cannot forego. But if the passion continuous to persists, the desire burns within one’s soul but the mind does not allow one to see the true and direct path. This doubting mind acts as a barrier to honesty and at times, to emotional sanity. Like a tragic tale where everything is so coincidental, where one is not allowed to meet, until the very moment where it may be deemed almost too late for any form of salvation. A true test to the strength in which God placed within humanity to seek out true happiness. But one overly looks into personal happiness for too long that the joy of others is sacrificed for personal gain. Mistrust ensues and all but the only tiny glimmer of hope is left to fuel the pathway to true glory once again.

When would thy’s time appear, when thy can be certain of the pathways that lie before thys lifeline. Loneliness and despair is embedded behind a mask of serenity that only the wearer can truly fathom. The fear that realization blooms at a moment when the sun has set is an apparent fear that only the wise or the stupid can truly relate to. Art thou thy’s sanity? Or just a figment of thy’s own delusional imagination? Or art thou truly the angel sent from the sky to bring down light and hope? It has been an incredible honor, something which thy is not accustomed to but yet always yearning to be like for days on end. Or can this be one’s own fabrication? Or does one have a higher purpose? But through generations of neglect from our forefathers, those existant have to carry on the torch. But as generations pass by, the path is rather muddy and at times completely on the wrong bend in a totally different universe. One can only trudge along and hoping that it reaches to that destination.

For what thy can predict and feel, no doubt that thy would enjoy the matter very much if thou were art to walk beside thy’s manifestation in this soggy piece of terra firma. And it would look like the most wonderful piece of soggy terra firma in existance. All thou had to partake in was to walk on it and thy would be blessed with thou’s exquisite existance.

Its like the third post in 24 hours and already I feel like I made another mistake. Not to say I’m whining but I’m troubled by the fact that I made someone misunderstand. Mainly due to my actions and prior intentions which honestly, I did not control. To a point where now I’m suddenly making someone feel bad for no apparent reason shows the insensitive side of me at times. Unfortunately for me, I seem to be in this side more often than I like. Damn it, I don’t want to make another person feel bad. And I gotta leave for Penang in less than 6 hours. Sigh, I am so very tired.

The past, a wonderful place in time where one could be carefree, blissful and ignorant. It’s also a time where great success and great failures have taken place. In the past, I was stupid and naive. I was ignorant and most of the time, ignorant to other people’s feelings. I still tend to do it but at least I can safely say that I’m not as insensitive as I was last time. People tend to not know the power and influence that they wield over others and I am no exception as well. I have made some grave errors that now, more than ever, I regret each decision with every passing moment. But I guess, it’s those experiences that make me what I am today. For all the wrong that I’ve done, to you out there who actually reads this one day, I’m sorry. I truly am. Somehow, and I believe most people feel this way, I wish that I could bring the present me into the past and somehow do the right things for a change. But I guess it’s also these experiences that God intended for us to see and grasp. And hopefully, I have grasped the right messages that He has given to me.

The present doesn’t say much for me. I am in a situation where I am more or less satisfied for the moment. I always long for something more and to be somewhere where I want to be. Strangely enough, as the quest for harmony of body, mind and soul continues, I realise that one person comes into mind more often than I would expect. Feelings of regret and remorse follows thereafter and the desire to run back into the past cycles through the head like a sad old movie. I know that to desire so is irrational and to even consider the trouble it would take to partake in time travel is just plain stupid. To work for the future is all a person can do for there is no past and the present is where we live in. To savor every moment like its our last but somehow I don’t feel as strongly for that statement as I used to in the past. For as we grow, the real world likes to talk a walk in your garden and tell you how bad your flowers look. And the constant desire for betterment sinks in as we attempt to be more than we are and grow nicer and better flowers.

The future seems bright yet bleak at the same time. The desire to achieve hangs on one side of a scale where everything else on the other. And the side with achievement looks much heavier than the other side. And the other side is where the heart lies.

Crap, finally I realise that I’m a friggin’ workaholic. I’m practically in the office till 9 or 10 every night and I’m not there playing Counterstrike or something like that. I’m ‘actually’ freakin’ working. And guess what, I’m actually enjoying work. I always knew I would like working but really…nothing like this. But I can safely say its affecting my social life to pieces. I hardly get time to meet my friends but then again, our timing is totally off and different. Sigh…. for those who read this, apologies and all that. I do try to make time but since it’s my first month, getting all the workload out of the way is my main priority. If I manage to do it this month, I’ll have MUCH less work next month.

All this haze is not helping anyone’s situation at the current moment. All the street shoots that I have been planning to go for is basically cancelled because of it. Everyone’s health is effected which just plain sucks. Hell, even Genting has more clean air time. I bet I’m not the only one bitching right now. Being very sensitive of late due to my just-over nasal infection, I can even smell it in my room. I have to wear a mask in my room sometimes due to the irritation. Thankfully I’ll be going down to Penang this weekend and I’ll be out of the radius for a bit.

Oh, and after reading and hearing too much shit of late, I would like to give a big and huge shout out to all the MUTHA FUCKIN’ RAPISTS or all those WANNABE RAPISTS. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? IF YOU WANNA GET LAID SO MUCH, HIRE A PROSTITUTE AND FUCK THE HELL OUT OF HER. IF YOU WANT THE THRILL OF ‘RAPING’ THEM, JUST PAY THEM MORE TO PRETEND LA ASSHOLES. Wait..on second thoughts, SCREW THAT FUCKING IDEA!! IT’S PIGS LIKE YOU WHO CREATE SUCH A FUCKIN’ DEMAND THAT THERE ARE PROSTITUTES IN THE FIRST PLACE. GO SEE A SHRINK AND GET YOUR FUCKIN’ HEADS STRAIGHT OR I’LL GO OVER THERE AND GIVE YOU SUCH A BEATING THAT YOUR MOMMA MIGHT THINK THAT YOU’RE A JELLYFISH OR SOMETHING. ARRGHHHHH ARGGGHHHH !$@!^%@#^#$&^$#&$%%$&%$&%$&$%&$%&%$&%^#@$^

…….Ahem. Sorry about that. Too much rape stories can really fuck up a man literally.

Since I took so many pictures lately, I’ve decided to make full use of the Friendster’s free photo album and upload them for your viewing pleasure. The first new album is the Munique Sony Team which is basically where I used to work before switching over to CHIP. Being very bored that day and armed with Azizzi’s camera, I got to work and started snapping away for fun. Being bored themselves, most of them were only too glad to oblige.

The second comprises of four pictures I took of Jackie Chan when he came down to launch his new California Fitness gym in Midvalley Megamall. I wasn’t actually there to snap his pictures as I was actually looking for a friend of mine for lunch. Being at the right place at the right time, I managed to get some up close pictures of him walking into California Fitness surrounded by a mob. Hence, the lack of stage pictures of him talking as I didn’t have a good telephoto lens or a flash on me. I was too far anyway and didn’t fancy fighting through the mob.

This photo shoot was done last week with two different models who volunteered their services themselves. Evan is the male model who kindly enough stripped down to his G-string for this shoot while Estelle came a little later and they both combined their efforts to create art for us. This wasn’t the standard type of photo shoot and I do believe that I have learned a lot from this shoot itself. It forced me to think out of the box. It was also my first time using a digital SLR for a shoot and adapting myself to it took some time. This shoot comprised of about 6 different photographers and the location was in a burned down ruined in Dang Wangi. The place was dirty but thankfully it didn’t stink. There was a tree growing high in the centre of the main room which was fantastic to us. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to portray the tree effectively but hopefully you would enjoy this series. I have tried to be as creative as I can be but its not easy trying to make a nude look artistic instead of cheap. I look forward to any comments that you all may have. Please refrain from any distasteful hurling if you do not enjoy the sight of an almost naked man. But please do give both the models due credit, they were a sporting duo and were really helpful throughout the shoot.