images of a physical reality

Finally I have managed to access the magical World Wide Web again. My computer is annoyingly making it extremely difficult for me to use it to the fullest. It took me 3 shutdowns before I managed to post this entry and an even longer time to even find a way to get me connected. I guess its all part of the process of humbling beginning from the time I stopped blogging in Japan.

To sum up the past few weeks, I was literally broke in Japan after the last entry. Me and my friend basically wandered around Osaka for most of the day as we did not even have enough money to grab a hot meal. We were THAT broke. Due to a friend’s kind gesture we managed to survive the remaining days there which I am forever grateful for. Exact details are rather sketchy as it has been over a week since I came back from Japan. Needless to say, being hungry/homeless in Japan is no walk in the park.

I came back to a mass of confusion waiting for me to sort out. The trip was an amazing getaway which allowed me to discover myself a little bit more and it has definitely changed my perspective on the way of life which I would lead in Malaysia. Not to mention the job opportunity in Japan as well. Instead of having a clearer mind on where my life would lead me, it made me even more confused than ever.

God loves playing little tricks on me whenever my life seems to be leading to somewhere good. I guess its the Almighty’s way of making life just a little bit more interesting that what it already is. As one gets older, the decisions we make tend to be harder than it was before. Almost every decision that we make is a life altering path which may determine who we are in the future.

To be fairly honest, for the first time in my life, I’m stumped. Actually, I’m smitten, to be precise. I know I’m being highly irrational but I find myself seeking rational reasons for my irrational desires. Day after day after that fateful moment, I find myself frustrated over every single thing which I encounter. A sense of hopelessness and for once in a long time, a lack of belief in myself. The turmoil within has struggled to find a definite path but the heart keeps drawing me back to one single point of focus. These turn of events have for once silenced me. For all the logical and sound advice which I have offered to others, I find it difficult to carry out for myself. Staring into space has become a normality for me.

That moment has brought upon me many first time experiences which I never would believe would have existed in my life. But, its too difficult to express in words those experiences but Joe’s I Believe In You sums it up best. Needless to say, that song strikes a chord within me everytime. I need to go and recollect my thoughts for a bit. I sense a drink at hand. Worry not, for I’m still very much all together in spite how I might sound right now for the moment. Blogging helps sometimes to put the mind in a more coherent manner. I have to stop blogging when I’m confused and start posting more normal stuff hmmm…

Weather in Japan can get very confusing. In fact, I think I had slight bouts of fever over the last 2 days but I seem ok now. Thank God for Panadol. Today we left the Sangha to carry out a task for my boss and to meet a friend of mine somewhere in Nakano. The task for my boss was carried out in Ryogoku which is a nice little place for photography. At least my boss will be happy with the brochures that I managed to get for her.

Currently　am in an Internet Cafe in Nakano. Its not too bad considering that I have a whole coach to sleep for myself. Nice. Japan is a nice place to live in if you know where to look. Food of course is courtesy of Matsuya, Yoshinoya and Mog Mog but again, I’m going over my budget bit by bit. Even staying here is overbudget but I can’t get any other place that would take me in at such a time in Japan. Hotels are totally out of the question.

Meeting up with an old friend of mine was certainly interesting. Its fun to see how some of our friends turn out after so many years. The change in environment does seem to cause a change to people as far as I can see.

Another interesting highlight was a future opportunity provided to me by one of the Sangha members. He has offered to pull some strings for me and get me a work permit and a job teaching English to children in Japan if I wanted. Apparently, he thought that I was good enough to teach the younger students in Japan and it pays really good money. I can get like RM8000 a month being a fresh graduate compared to the RM2000 that I would get in Malaysia. Of course, the standard of living is higher but it is relatively possible for me to save like RM2000-RM3000 per month which I can use to invest in Malaysia for the future. The downside is I have to leave everything I have behind in Malaysia. For me, the window of opportunity is open now but I guess I’ll have some time to discuss this issue with my family beforehand. So, if you’re reading this, don’t worry or anything. I haven’t decided on anything yet, its just an option and nothing more.

Anyhow, its like 3AM here and I need to get some sleep. Post again when I can.

PS. Gary, I’ll get you one if I can. Its pretty cheap here, I think its less than or around RM100 for a standard one here which can be used with most players. The FM transmitter is the kind that plugs into your cigerette thingy to charge your player as well which is pretty neat.

For once we had fair weather. Or so they would have me believe. Mornings here are ALWAYS cold while the day seemed better with sunshine and warmth until… it bleeding rained on us. Sigh, can never understand the weather here. It’s mid spring for crying out loud. Cut a guy some slack. Ah well, I’ll be leaving the Sangha today so most probably my chances for blogging will be less which can be a bother considering that its now my only connection with the outside world.

I was in Akihabara yesterday again and I managed to see a rare annual event where the streets of Akihabara were filled with noisy and happy Japanese wearing brown garbs and just plain obstructing traffic as best as they can. Needless to say, I was trigger happy all the way and all in full black & white glory. Ahh… to be a photographer in this country is absolute bliss as the opportunities for great pictures are endless.

I’ve amassed too much magazines along the way and its making my bag REALLY heavy at this point in time. Am considering throwing some stuff away but… well as you can guess, I want to keep them all. Will try suffering for a few days and see how that goes.

I nearly took the plunge yesterday and bought an iPod Mini. But, amazingly, I decided against it because by buying it, I’m literally voluntarily opting for the ‘poor’ road in Japan for the next few days. All that for only RM200 savings? I rather wait till the last day and see if I can actually afford it. For now, I’ll just consider buying the FM transceiver instead. Can get some really cheap ones here that I doubt I can get from Malaysia. Rock on! I don’t even know why I say that.

Anyhow, I’ll be catching up with everyone in a weeks time. To be honest, I miss Malaysia where the weather is controllable (If its too hot, we still got air-conditioning, right?) and where I feel like I’m in control instead of being totally foreign (and thus at the mercy) to everything here. I totally understand how Bill Murray’s character felt in ‘Lost In Translation’. One can actually feel so alone in a place blusting with millions of people (as much as what it seems like to the naked eye). Although, I would like a chance to stay here for a bit to actually get to know the locals better, I believe that day will only come when I am in a very stable financial position that I need not worry about starving in Japan. Japan would make a very positive investment location as well which is something that I am seriously considering given the nature of this country.

Ok, I think I’ll go have my breakfast with the rest of the Sangha. Their cereal is so different than ours…

Weird as it may seem, its absolutely freezing in the middle of spring. I mean, before we came here, we were expecting sunshine and warmth but all we got was sunshine. Well, one out of two ain’t bad I guess but I can’t stop from shaking while I’m typing this. To be honest, I can’t feel my fingers anymore.

These two days was definitely interesting. The highlight of the day was meeting a fortune teller while walking back from the station near where we lived. I actually tried taking his photo and he struck a conversation with us. After performing on his clarinet for awhile, he gave us a free reading of our journey in Japan and told us that we would meet many interesting people which would be beneficial for our journey and our future and at the same time be wary for our personal belongings during the journey. Our passports, money, cameras, etc was all in danger if we weren’t careful. However, he wasn’t very specific on what kind of danger that might befall us.

We went to Shinjuku as well which I promptly fell in love. If Akihabara is geek heaven then Shinjuku is photographer’s heaven. I could find almost anything that you could think of for digital AND film based cameras. They had like buildings 6 floors high all dedicated to either film or digital which sold new or second-hand items. Fantastic! Not to mention that they had whole floors on dedicated brands much to my glee. I doubt anyone could drag me away from that place without good reason. Unfortunately, most of them had good reason much to my dismay. Needless to say, I came away with at least a much-needed flash but I’m babbling.

I had my first taste of poor heaven staying at a Internet cafe yesterday night. However, their Internet cafes are NOTHING like what you get in Malaysia. For starters, they have small little rooms for each computer which have different categories depending on what is your desire. For example, they had rooms with massage chairs, sleeping ‘bed-like’ chairs, Playstation 2s, Internet connections with a free flow of mangas to read and a variety of drinks to quench your thirst. They even have some free porn but then again, after countless picture books, porn, mangas, crappy TV programs (Did I mention that they had free TV as well?), I still managed to get REALLY bored and promptly went to sleep.

Now I’m waiting for the hot water to boil. I was actually taking a shower before this where the water was warm but suddenly turned cold for no reason. You’ve all been there. And amazingly, I thought I lost some weight but I actually gained 3 kgs since I got here! THAT, my friends, is amazing. This country is incredible.

Being in Japan can be a very good and bad experience depending on how you take things. For starters, after coming here for 3 days, I have made a small vow to only return to Japan once I’m rich and can afford almost anything that I want. Going to Akibahara (either this or Akihabara, I kepe getting mixed up) was indeed an interesting experience for a semi-tech geek like me.

Akihabara is the geek or gadget town of Japan. Basically, all your video games, digital cameras, mobile phones, etc etc etc can be found here. In fact, most of the stuff that you can find here can’t really be found in Malaysia. The latest gadgets are abound here and I was thinking of getting an iPod Mini since its much cheaper here and it provides an international warranty.

Prices in Japan can be very weird at times. Being a photography buff, I was scouting around for any good camera gear that I could find. After hours of walking in Akihabara, I did not even manage to find one Nikon film camera (second-hand or otherwise) for sale. In fact, I couldn’t find any shop which holds second-hand Nikon SLR (digital or otherwise) for sale. This is strange as they only have Canon in stock. With my limited Japanese, I found out that people don’t sell their Nikons. Ah well, maybe look for something else instead.

Food is definitely good here, I could eat most of the food freely here. But then again, it has only been 3 days. Can’t really try the ‘finer’ dining in Japan cuz we would be TOTALLY out of budget. Ah well…

I missed a session of Zazen this morning cuz we were too tired from all that walking in Akihabara I guess. We hardly explored more than what we wanted to but we had to get back when we walked (what I can estimate) half of the entire place. Basically, I have this problem when it comes to Zazen, my left leg gets numb during sessions. Everytime. I’ve tried ways to avoid this but it doesn’t really work. Sometimes it numbs me until it hurts which is a veyr weird feeling on my part. Wonder if I can convince my mum to do it hmm…

PS. Mum, if you’re reading this, can you up my budget for me? There’s so much stuff I want to buy here. Of course, I’m kidding, but I don’t want to buy some stuff (*Showing sneaky grin). Also, to Gary, if you feel that its too much, please do reduce it. Feed them as much as they can eat and thats it. Overfeeding them would kill them actually. Take away the food once they’re done and estimate from there. Just buy more food for them la, only costs about RM 5.50 per canister that large. Also, if you want me to buy it for Foong Teng, just ask her what color she wants. Tell her I recommend black and red. Will try to send you photos of the designs when I can. And also, ask for her body size please thanks. Mail me direct or post it in my blog la whichever is easier.

Ahhh…finally have some time to myself to blog here properly. This is my official third day in Japan. Sleeping in a clean room is excellent to say the least. The dojo here is fantastic, surpassing all expectations I had about the place so far. Not to say that its the most beautiful place sought for in the world, but the people here are just friendly as they come from all over the world to live and practice the art of Zazen.

Trust me when I say this, meditating for half an hour with your legs crossed is no easy feat no matter how easy it looks. The fact that you had to force yourself to think about nothng with your legs crossed in an uncomfortable position makes it sometimes a chore when you’re doing it but always worth it after you finish. No matter how many stupid or weird thoughts that creep into your head, you always feel a sense of satisfaction and a little bit of a sense of enlightment after going through the session. I can actually feel as though that I can think a little bit clearer but it might just be my numb legs talking. Overall, the experience so far is far better than what a normal traveller would get in Japan.

Most of the people staying in the dojo are residents for long lengths of time. Some have jobs here and lived in the dojo for years. Which makes it interesting as each and every one of them has a unique story of their own to tell about how they actually came to Japan. Most of them have travelled all around the world and have seen things which I definitely have never seen before in my life. We clean the house, cook and have meals together not forgetting the Zazen sessions which is like a small community of foreigners in a sense. So far, I’ve talked to 2 Americans, 1 Canadian, 1 Australian, 1 Bangladeshi and of course the Sensei which is Japanese. Conversations that I had with them so far has opened up visions of Cambodia, Vietnam, Thailand, Korea, Canada, etc etc etc which never ceases to amaze me every time I hear about those countries. Ahhh… to have the freedom of movement whenever we want. Its too bad I’m not of western descent, then I can get a job as an English teacher here easily. Would love to get the chance to spend much more time in Japan than I already am but I am grateful for every opportunity that I get here.

I have been pretty tight on my expenses thus far but have somehow managed to go below the budget that I have set out for myself. If enough effort is put in, it is not impossible to explore Japan at a price which is what one would deem economical. Of course, lodgings wouldn’t be so fantastic but its dirt cheap to get an Internet connection with a free flow of drinks and limitless comics (not to mention other ‘naughtier’ magazines) all at our disposal with our free stay for only 980 yen (or RM30 plus or so). This of course is at manga cafes which provides a massage chair or a chair meant for sleeping at that price from 11PM to 7AM in the morning. Awesome to say the least.

Food here is mainly through the dojo itself as well as beef bowl places which are small shops selling cheap full meals for anything as low as 380 yen (which is about RM10) as well. This meal is quite delicious and sufficient for most appetites except for mine but I get hungry every 2 hours here so… Also, they have their own version of McSavers here which is about 100 yen for a chicken burger. All I need is 300 yen to have a decent meal in Japan. Of course, don’t expect to eat anything more than standard rice and noodles fare and the occasional burger every now and then.

Well, will post some digital pictures I took of the dojo soon. Please do check them out at the gallery if you have the chance. Black and white pictures would only be posted once I’m back from my trip as they’re all in film. Stay tuned for more stories as I travel more of Japan. Oh, and just to say again, the Karaoke boxes here are amazing.

For those of you reading this, I’m currently in Tokyo, Japan blogging at the moment. To the members of my family, if you are reading this, know that I am well and eating properly and so far I did not get into any form of trouble. We did run into some bad luck as the couple who was travelling with us lost 70,000 yen during the flight to Japan. I think they lost it during the boarding spot where they scan our bags. Because of this incident, we were delayed at the Narita Airport for awhile and I did not manage to find any shops open which sold IDD cards to call back.  I still can’t find one up till now. So, I won’t be able to call back anytime soon for the time being. However, whenever I get the chance, I shall post in my blog here to tell the progress of my trip.

I stayed in a karaoke room yesterday as it was too late to look for our lodgings and too expensive to stay at the capsule motels in our vicinity. Thus, uncomfortable as it was, it was still very exciting as it was fun to sing the karaoke there, they have sooooo many songs. Red Box is a joke compared to the karaoke in Japan. They have even Aniu and most of the latest english songs and not the stupid ‘MTV’ versions. And, it only cost me 980 yen which is slightly less than RM38 for a 6 hour session. Ahh….

Well, now I’m off to look for my lodgings at the monastery. Hopefully given time, I shall be able to visit their ‘Gadget City’ and look for some cool stuff. Mum, I shall be using the credit card for some purchases today ok? I did not use the card yesterday at all. Cash only. So far spent about 4000 yen including food. lodging and train fare. Till tomorrow or something…

I try to be simple minded about all things that I come across and make no silly assumptions that do not seem to carry any weight. Often, when I consider things to be clear cut and simple, it does not always happen to be that way. Maybe I’m being optimistic thinking that being straightforward and direct that things will turn out the way I think. It’s all part of being human I guess. All these factors of unpredictability is what actually makes life exciting. Or stressful if you look at it in a negative way.

I guess I try to live to my life’s ideals but sometimes failing to live up to my own expectations. I don’t seem to take my own advice during these kind of times. “Focus on your goal and have some flexibility along the way”. Being so hard-headed and driven to only use a single path will ultimately lead to failure as you’ll overlook opportunities that arrive by your side. Well, being human as I am, advice is easier listened than actually followed.

Being human as we all are, there is one main aspect that troubles me day in day out. That is, the level of trust we humans seem to lack between one another. I guess this can’t be helped as there are a lot of bad apples out there who give the human race a bad name. If dogs could speak our language, they’ll probably be laughing at the human race instead of being “man’s best friend”. I try my best to break this cycle by being brutally honest to whomever I meet at whatever the circumstances. If the situation does not allow blunt honesty to be revealed, then I’ll keep silent instead. However, due to the nature of the other normal humans around me, they tend to suspect ulterior motives arising from my words which creates further confusion and complication. Humans do not tend to realize that it’s because of this very attitude that they bring with them that confusion and even miscommunication exists to practically screw up their lives. Again, this is all very much understandable given the circumstances.

As you can already guess by now, I’m greatly misunderstood. I can’t seem to keep to my blunt honesty policy when people keep on thinking that I have ulterior motives or that I don’t mean what I say. When I say something, I mean it. That’s it. I don’t have ANY other meanings except for the exact words that I say. Sad to say, I’m being misunderstood by females more than males as females that I know of (not generalizing but so far to me anyway) tend to try to read between the lines of what I said. Problem is, there isn’t any ‘hidden’ meaning but they assume there is and takes offence or suspects me of some sort of foul play. Help! I’m just trying to be me and honest but people don’t seem to take it that way. Sigh, sometimes I feel that I have to purposely decieve in order to get my actual message across which feels very silly to me.

What’s my point after all my rambling? None really. Just speaking my mind about things that I’ve been mulling about. Just a wonder at how humans can be like. Maybe I just don’t like it? Or maybe its because that I’m just irritated at my current position in life right now. Oh well, they glass is always half full.

Just to inform you that I have uploaded some pictures for your viewing pleasure. Do check out my photo albums to see pictures I took from the Kids-Klick Project. Not my best work but at least it’ll give you an idea what we actually did. And, to show that we actually did it heh! Enjoy and comments would of course be appreciated as always.

Today we did a spot of community service under the Kids-Klick project. Previous excursions into the Blue Boy Mansion actually revealed an orphanage run under the care of a Ms. Susan at the top floor. Taking this opportunity for the first attempt at this project, our efforts were what I would consider as a minor success. Minor in a sense that the number of kids were rather few but successful in out attempt to reach out to them by giving them something new to try and who knows, maybe even a future career move.

We spent most of the morning and lunch time period street shooting while waiting for the kids to return from church. One thing that struck me was the number of “No Parking” signs available in KL. I mean, not only were there lots of them, they were some really weird ones as well! One that stands out vividly in my mind is “No Parking; Anytime”. I don’t even understand what that means. I’m guessing the owner meant that parking was not allowed at any given time but it still looked silly to me. Another thing that caught my eye was how some places looked run down but are actually what I call “disguises”. Go to a slum in KL and walk along the back alleys. You’ll be amazed at the number of air-conditioning units that you can find there. Also, the same house with the “No Parking; Anytime” sign was also very much run down (The top floor had walls made of ugly wooded planks) but there was an Audi A4 and a Mercedes Benz (If I remember correctly) parked downstairs. Hmmm… This might be my next personal project in KL. Who knows?

Near Jalan Raja Chulan, Evan actually discovered a small community of illegal immigrants after he decided to climb a really small path into a forested area which we discovered beside a church (Can’t remember the name). It’s amazing what you can actually find if you were just curious enough. We also encountered a “home” of the homeless which is a burned house somewhere near that area as well. Apparently, the live downstairs the abandoned building which probably burned down a few years back. Basically being neglected due to the fire and the amount of rubbish piled upon it (I think some people found it a convenient disposal area), the homeless have effectively made it their home with signs of even a clothes line with dirty clothes being left out to dry on the front porch of the burned house. I even saw one of them coming up to hang her wet clothes on the line as well.

After the morning activities, we headed over to the Blue Boy Mansion to meet the kids who were going to participate in our project. There were 8 boys between the ages of 13-15 and about 6 of us PMer photographers. The project was pretty simple. We pooled together 3 disposable cameras and even one old digital camera from kkog (Another PMer) to give to the 8 kids to use. Not to mention our surprise when one of the kids brought out an Olympus OM camera. Shows that these kids were really looking forward to our visit.

Anyhow, after speaking to a 14 year old boy named Shaun, he decided to follow me with a new Kodak disposable camera at his, well… disposal. I brought him around the area and taught him some basics regarding composition and basically, conveying expression through photography. This was done with a series of comments which went something like, “You should try taking photos that have a special meaning to you. Heck, if oranges were special to you, you should take those oranges” and so forth and so forth and so forth. Was rather happy with his response as I got a particularly obedient boy who had a special need to get a camera phone. He spent most of his time enquiring about my phone and about the merits of a camera phone throughout the photo session. I even got some pictures of him snapping away but they aren’t particularly good pictures. He was so enthusiastic about snapping pictures that he even brought me up to the rooftop just to take a picture of Times Square.

Overall, the kids were happy at the excursion as we provided them something different and new for them to try out. Hopefully we will have more sessions and participants in future. It does feel good to do something for others for a change without expecting anything in return. I laughed when Evan told the kids to ask any help from any of the “pros” there. Most of were were very far from being considered as “pros” heh!

After that, I went on down to YL Camera in Pudu Plaza to scout for some second-hand items for my camera. A flash and a camera body caught my eye but unfortunetely, it was closed until Tuesday. Will attempt to purchase since my cheque has cleared already muahahaha! Every penny that comes in seems to disappear into my camera.

Anyway, will attempt to post up some pictures here when I learn how to upload pics properly using a Mac. Can’t seem to get files to upload hmmm…. Until next time then.